


We Put Down in Writing What Is Happening in Our Minds

by inkyandness



Category: Nomad of Nowhere (Web Series)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, F/F, Kissing, Love Letters, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Pining, Useless Lesbians, but subtlely, naughty drunk men have to face Toth's stabby axe of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 18:05:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16497581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkyandness/pseuds/inkyandness
Summary: It started with an envelope pinned to the side of her wagon.The letter addressed to a “Captain Toth” in a scrawly cursive was probably from the mayor or governor or something telling her to stop loitering on the brink of the city, her name was public knowledge as she was a government official, no matter that that seemed to get her no respect…But, yeah, she expected something like a fine or some kind of scripted lecture she wouldn’t read as it is.What she wasn’t expecting was, well, what she got.(Or, Toth gets a love letter from a secret admirer, and has to cope.)





	We Put Down in Writing What Is Happening in Our Minds

****It started with an envelope pinned to the side of her wagon.

The postal service in Nowhere had always been a bit spotty, to say the least, some letters may be delivered by trains all across the land while letters from the Don or god forbid, El Rey, were delivered personally by crow or any other large bird of prey, but this envelope, this letter…Was nailed into the weathered cloth awning of Skout and Toth’s supply wagon, which stood on the outskirts of what’s considered a busy town in Nowhere, not exactly your run-of-the-mill Bliss Hill. 

It was rather puzzling to Toth, but not entirely, given that they had been meandering outside of the town for almost a full week while wandering around, questioning people, and gathering supplies, and the letter addressed to a “Captain Toth” in a scrawly cursive was probably from the mayor or governor or something telling her to stop loitering on the brink of the city, her name _was_ public knowledge as she _was_ a government official, no matter that that seemed to get her no respect…But, yeah, she expected something like a fine or some kind of scripted lecture she wouldn’t read as it is.

What she wasn’t expecting was, well, what she got. 

 

_Dear Captain Toth,_

_I’m what you could call, well, a fan of yours! Well, more than a fan, but, I guess this is the point of the letter. You don’t know me that well, but I think you’re amazing! You’re strong and tough but at the same time beautiful and compassionate, without even knowing that you’re doing so. You’ve never pretended to be something you’re not and when you walk into a room everybody’s heads turn, I can admire that._

_I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I feel something definitely akin to love towards you, this is a confession. I expecting nothing more of you other than reading it and even then I might appreciate it more if you didn’t, of course, there were far, far worst drafts that’ll never see the sun again, let alone your eyes. I’m sorry to burden you with this, but maybe this could be a comfort for you. Somebody out there cares about you, even when you don’t seem to care for yourself, both near and afar. However, it’s ultimately your decision how you read this, take something out of these words, anything at all, just so I know this letter wasn’t all for naught._

_Love,_

_Your Secret Admirer._

 

Toth blinked. She blinked again. 

Somebody in this town had written her a love letter, with dotted hearts on every “i” and it had Toth on the verge of blushing like a school girl, which was something she was not a fan of. She couldn’t even tell if it was from just generally being flustered or if she was embarrassed for the sap who decided to write her, the walking tank, a love letter. 

She decided on the latter, because that was the more comfortable option for her, overall.She couldn’t explain why, there was just some discomfort when it came to being called beautiful and knowing that somebody out in that bustling town cared about her. She never even really registered her appearance, it was more of a nebulous concept to her, if she wanted to go down that road.

Which she didn’t, and she didn’t do that, because a few seconds later, Skout ran back to her holding a new pack’s worth of stuff.

“Heya Toth! I got the stuff you wanted me to pick up! Canteen, compass, knife, knife, knife…”

Toth tuned her out at this point. Kinda cruel, but, it kept her from snapping at her and she was a bit more distracted by the thought that Skout kind of reminds her of a Pomeranian, yapping with glee. It was pretty adorable, from an unobjective stand-point, obviously. She did, however, notice Toth’s immediate shift in tone. It wasn’t a bad shift, just…Different. Strained.

“Toth, what’s that ya’ holdin’ in your hand?” 

Toth immediately crumpled the letter in her hand, she wasn’t going to let Skout see this if even she couldn’t make heads or tails of it. There was the thought there that Skout could help her with it, after all, she’s smart and has been willing to help her through any and every other crisis the two have found themselves in, why not now? Well, again, it was embarrassing and petty on her part, and she wasn’t going to sacrifice their mission to hunt down the Nomad for the sake of some probably prank letter.

“Nothing important.” Toth rubbed her forehead with her hand. She was so tired these days. “Fill the wagon with the supplies you picked up, and then we’ll reconvene for another night of patrolling the city.”

Skout’s calculated, blank face didn’t go unnoticed by Toth, but that was all there was to it.

———

Bars were always crawling with some kind of seedy, criminal element that rubbed the two straight and narrow citizens the wrong way, but these places were know to accumulate all types of people, criminals, sure, but any simple man or woman who needed to drown their sorrows in a glass of ale, and every person packed into one of those dimly lit buildings were another pair of eyes that could’ve seen the Nomad, or could keep an eye out for him.

Toth almost thought that they were wasting their time here, but the Nomad, despite his name, seemed to be staying in one place for decades, even centuries, when they first met him, who’s to say that in a city with a population in the thousands he wouldn’t finally think of himself as safe within the walls of metal and wood and concrete and flesh.

At least, that’s how Toth reasoned it. Not the flesh bit, that’s artistic flavor. 

Regardless, Toth considered it a good idea to get the word out through wandering through the many bars the city had to get in contact with both the best and worst of humanity, and to split up to make the job half the work than it would be normally. She thought it was a good idea.

She thought, and the universe did seem to enjoy just utterly eviscerating her when it had the chance.

She realized this when she was waiting for Skout at their designated meet-up spot under a light post near the first bar they stopped by on their first day in town, not to drink, just to simply reconvene outside of the bright light of the desert sun, and noticed that she was late, and put together the pieces that while Skout can handle herself, what with being strong and smart and all that, that letting her run around a strange town all by herself to places filled with drunkards and criminals may not have been the best idea, and seeing Skout running up to her sealed the deal.

“Toth!” She yelled, wrapping her arms around her, her pine tree eyes filled with an ocean of uncried tears. “Toth, I’m, I’m so happy I found you. I need you to kiss me.”

“What?”

“I-I know it’s weird, and I’m sorry, but there was this man at the bar who knew some stuff about the Nomad and, uh, took interest in me, and I told him that I had a girlfriend, but he followed me out of the bar, and, and he’s still on my tail and he won’t leave me alone until I prove it and,” anybody who knew Toth as Captain would debate that she had a heart, but hearing Skout sniffle and then say, “and I’m scared,” damn near shattered it.

The shock on her face turned into a grimace. “Where is he?” She growled, and Skout pointed a shaky finger at a shadowy man in the distance. 

“T-Toth, you don’t have to do anything, he’s probably just drunk and old, it’s fine, I was the one who lied and, okay, it might not be okay that he followed me, but I-“ and that was the moment Toth gently brushed her arms away and stalked towards the man on the street corner. If Skout wasn’t a witness, she probably would’ve bashed his skull in on the brick wall he was leaning on, or smash his face onto the pavement, man, that would be satisfying, but Skout seemed more afraid than anything else, and she really didn’t need to add to that anxiety, and plus, getting arrested for unnecessary man-slaughter would really mess with her goals of helping her people and all that.

Instead, Toth held his hands behind his back and slammed him into the wall, enough to probably loosen a few fillings or something of the sort, but not enough to kill or seriously wound.

“So, you’re the sad sack of filth hitting on my…” She hesitated. She ignored it, figuring that he’d get the implication simply from the pause, whatever she was trying to imply in the first place. “She is a soldier in _my_ army, and after you tell me what you know about the Nomad, you are going to apologize to her, or I’ll grind your face into the dirt.”

She almost hoped that the man would be stupid and drunk enough to laugh off the whole thing just for the sake of releasing her bottled up anger, but, alas, he noticed her axe that was strapped to her back, and told her that the Nomad was seen near the alleyways of the bar that Skout had been to that very night, or at least somebody who _looked_ like the Nomad was seen hopping the fence, from there Toth could assume that he could be found in areas with small children or elderly people or just anybody who could need a helping hand, which narrowed it down to the slightest degree. 

It was something. It was something, and something was always 100% better than nothing.

The pathetic man apologized to Skout for his misdemeanor and was thrown back onto the street. Skout seemed too high-strung to blend in anywhere, she was just plain irritated, and the Nomad had at least a 15 minute head-start in a boomtown, he could be anywhere by now, he might not even be on the streets anymore. There are just some times when you gotta admit a night’s a wash. Toth simply grabbed Skout’s hand and lead her back to the wagon.

“I’m sorry, Toth…” She said, rubbing one of her eyes with her free hand.

“This night could’ve gone a lot better.” She simply stated. “But it also could’ve gone a lot worse.”

“I know, but, I should be able to handle things by myself. I’m sorry that I have to burden you like this.”

“It’s fine.” Toth said, and that was that. But it _wasn’t_ fine. A lot of things weren’t fine at that very moment, but Toth decided to focus on this. The wording of Skout’s last sentence reminded her of something, something she’d heard before, and while they walked back to their wagon in silence, Toth was giving herself a headache trying to figure out when or where she’d heard it, and why it was suddenly so important for her to know.

She remembered later that night that it was from that stupid letter, and would’ve gotten up then and there to tear it to shreds, if she had not been on the brink of her usual dreamless sleep, and vowed to do so when she woke up next morning.

———

Actually, she didn’t destroy the letter when she woke up the next morning, rising with the sun, but at that point, did it even make any difference?

The letter was a fake, probably a prank from some citizen she slighted earlier that week to turn her into some mouth-breathing fool, and she just had to wait for the other shoe to drop. 

Even so, she thought back on the words of the letter almost kindly while she brushed her hair while she waited for breakfast to cook, except for the word “beautiful,” once again. Her appearance was something she only thought of in terms of how she was representing her people, and to an extent, Don Paragon, everywhere she walked, every time she swung her axe or shouted orders. She wasn’t supposed to be beautiful, it was simply uniform, and that was that on that.

Skout rose from her sleeping bag moments later to the smell of some Don Paragon branded meat substance sizzling in a pan, her spiky red hair pointing at any and every angle, and her eyes tired and bruised, and began to slip on her gloves and boots while Toth began to tie her hair up.

She should really get it cut, she’s lucky nobody’s tried to pull it or grab her by it, it could be a safety hazard, even if nobody in their right mind is going to grab the short ponytail of an almost 6 or 7-foot tall woman with an axe. It would be nice to change it up though, and would probably keep her cooler too.

But then there was Skout, too sleepy and too cute for her own good and a little hungover from the night before, muttering about her hair.

“What?”

Her words were slurred with sleep. Come to think of it, she probably still was.“Are ya keep-keeping your hair down today? It looks nice like that. Really pretty. I like it. You always look pretty.” 

Toth rolled her eyes. Not in a mean way, just to do so. It was clear that whatever she had the night before hadn’t rolled over into a hangover for Skout just yet, because she was still kinda flirty and not ready to kill god with her bare hands. Skout always got a little flirty when drunk. Well, she always got a little flirty with _her_ when drunk, she figured this was because the Dandy-Lions were…Like that, and nobody liked Red Manuel enough, even while drunk, to give him the time of day. So, that was Toth’s assumption on why Skout flirted with her. Of course, based in too much logic to be true to any drunk, but it was a comfort to her, and Toth didn’t have a lot of those, so excuse her for indulging.

“Your eyes are like tiny suns, and your arms are probably great for hugs…We should hug more often.”

Toth nods, not really listening at this point, until Skout walks over only to lean on her side, looking ready to fall asleep again while Toth continues to brush her hair into a smooth silk, simply to have something to do with her hands. Skout’s hair rubs against her arm and it feels soft yet frizzy, like an old winter’s scarf, and flames dance in her eyes. 

Toth moves to flip the pan making their breakfast and then turns to brush Skout’s curls after giving her hair a good tug into a ponytail.

“Aww, but you look so pretty like that.” Skout whined. 

“Well, I don’t want to look pretty.” Toth mumbled, equally childishly. “So you’re going to have to get used to that.”

“Why?” 

Toth had no answer. She had a vague sense of her feelings, but even she couldn’t understand them, and it’s not like she was going to talk about them with anyone ever, let alone to Skout, an on-the-verge of passing out Skout, any Skout really. She simply continued to brush at Skout’s bangs because Skout wouldn’t move her head to a better angle for brushing.

“Well, I think you’re pretty and nice and strong and tough all at once, somehow, so you got no choice.” Skout said, sounding like a child who thinks they’re being clever. “You can be beautiful and strong at the same time, and you are, and you will be, and I will love you for it.” Toth merely blinked. Not only was that nearly almost the same wording as her letter, but Skout said she loved her?? She supposed that last one could be a technicality, given that she had heard that girls who were friends would often brush each other’s hair and hold hands and kiss each other, sure, _she_ was never a part of any of these friendships, but maybe this was just Skout’s experience with female friends and Toth had just reached that best friend stage?

It was hard to say, but, nonetheless, she wasn’t going to be getting any answers out of Skout, because seconds later, she slumped over like a rag doll, and fell asleep on one of Toth’s legs, and, as the rule of cats says, you aren’t allowed to wake up a cute sleeping thing, and so Toth sat very, very still and very, very nervously as she ate her breakfast and laid down once more, just because there wasn’t anything else she could do with Skout’s head resting on her thigh.

Skout woke up a few hours later, when the sun was actually hanging in the sky, with a hangover, and Toth never thanked her lucky stars more that she didn’t touch a single drop of alcohol that night.

———

Later in the day, she wished she had, though, or perhaps had a drink right now, but she had a job to do then and a job to do now, so that wasn’t going to happen.

Skout didn’t mention what she said earlier that morning, so Toth didn’t either. She had no idea what she was going to do with this memory that weighed on her soul, heavier than it should, but she had it now, and perhaps she’d cherish it like an old dressing gown. Hard to say.

Nonetheless, Toth had a job to do, and damn any flittering thought that flew into her head that would prevent her from doing it. However, this job was extremely mundane. After scouting the Nomad near the bar they went to the night before, a night that seemed to be hundreds of years ago, by the by, Skout and Toth were visiting people in houses nearby, asking if they had heard or seen anything strange, or if they had any idea where he was hiding.

It was basically just busy-work, because the people of Nowhere were usually unreceptive to any question either of them would ask, but the people of this bustling town especially, often just walking right past them on the way to jobs or telling them that they came at a bad time, and would have to come by later. One man shoved Toth, and, if Skout hadn’t been there to stop her, well, let’s just say that man wouldn’t have bones anymore and leave it at that.

Despite this apparently hostile atmosphere and boring workload, Skout seemed as over-eager and chipper as ever ever since she worked off the smallest hangover known to man and was feverishly taking notes about what every citizen had to say, even if it was seemingly useless. Skout claimed it was diligence and that these people could be useful later, ever the over-prepared, but Toth thinks that she might’ve just been feeling guilty about “messing up” the night before with having a drink or two and that man deciding that she was an easy target, but even then, what if she’s wrong? What if Skout’s just as determined to catch the Nomad as she is on this average day in Nowhere? Skout wouldn’t want to pry, and even then, she’s not sure if she’s allowed. So, she accepted her pedantic, slightly studious nature at face value, what else could she do? What else is she supposed to do?

Despite how much trouble they usually had, they did have one citizen who gave them actual information, that they could _actually_ use. Unfortunately, this information was that the Nomad had booked it out of town hours ago, but in a specific set of directions based on how he and a citizen he was talking to were signing, Skout took notes on the half that the civilian could see, and then they were on their way back to the wagon, just so they could pack and go to…

Go to…

Where were they going, anyhow? Toth had to have a general idea if she was going to be the one driving the wagon. Toth had caught some of it, but their source talked really fast, she was just lucky Skout could write at that speed.

“Skout, pass me your notepad.”

“Oh, uh, sure!”

_Left on Norbury Road,_

_Two rights after that,_

_Go South along the dried up riverbed until you reach the Ten Gallon Cowboy, and ask for  a man named Lars._

There were some other notes scribbled in the margins, but, while Toth _was_ focused on the directions she’d be required to use to drive, she was also noticing the way that Skout looped her Ls in this hen-scratch she might be able to call cursive, and the hearts…The hearts…

The other shoe just dropped, and Toth looked to her side to see her right-hand-man, her spittoon girl, as she expected, but it was like she was seeing her for the first time. This was the girl who wrote her that silly, sweet love letter, and tacked it onto their wagon, as if she wouldn’t be able to figure it out.

Sure, it took her some time, but, there was something to the journey that was important. 

There was something important to her about learning that Skout had the worst handwriting known to man, that she liked to cuddle, that she was the lightest of lightweights, that she viewed Toth as a safe space, a protector of some kind. There was something to knowing that Skout thought she was strong and brave and tough beautiful and…

Kind.

Skout, after all of those harsh desert days and sleepless nights and these nights and days turning into weeks of this, despite this, despite everything, thought of her as kind.

Toth smiled at that, she smiled at her, a half-smile that threatened to burst into a giddy grin.

Skout, finally picked up on Toth’s golden eyes watching her, and Toth realized it was too late to make her expression go slack. She had already seen her.

“W-what?” Her nervous eyes darted around.

“Nothing, good notes. We should have the Nomad in our grasp before dinnertime.” Toth said, in a tone more relaxed than she usually was, but there was something, almost off about it that Skout could hear. She even seemed to laugh a little at the end of her sentence!

It was cute. It wasn’t like jingling bells or anything like that, it was just, charming, warm. Skout liked that about Toth, Toth was vigorous and powerful and just so dynamically full of life, she knew Toth before the frustration and anger had grown in her heart like a nasty weed, so she supposed she could see why others thought she was…Difficult, to say the least, but, at the same time, how could they not see that she was the sun? Skout could already feel her face growing hot and pink, she could only hope that Toth didn’t notice a thing-

“Your face is red. I hope you’re not getting sick.” She said in her usual tone of voice: blunt, and there was a relief that came with that. But, that relief would not last for long. “I can’t have my favorite spittoon girl out of commission.”

Skout could feel her knees shaking and quaking and begging to give out, she almost wheezed. Toth hadn’t been in the best of moods for a long time, but was _this_ what she was like when she was in a good one? All compliment-y and whatnot? Skout couldn’t say for sure, but that’s not to say she didn’t enjoy it at least. 

However, their walk to the wagon had to end at some point, and that point was now.

“Skout, pack up the sleeping bags and plates from breakfast, I have something to attend to, but it shouldn’t take long. We’re losing daylight.”

“Y-yes, ma’am!” Skout saluted, still a bit wobbly on her legs. Geez, just look at her: “favorite spittoon girl” and “good notes”? If Toth ever so much as called her cute to her face, she might actually die.

Of course, that was Toth’s intention as she ripped a paper out of the notepad Skout had given her earlier and began to scribble on it. If calling her cute was going to kill her, then she was going to be absolutely _wrecked._

_———_

“Stuff’s all packed, Toth!”

“Good, now let’s get going while the trail runs hot.”

Skout was just about to hop into her seat when she saw a piece of folded up parchment on her seat with her name written on it.

“W-What’s this?” Skout asked, rubbing her thumbs on the paper and looking up at Toth with worried eyes that reminded Toth of a doe or baby doll. Toth gestured with her head for her to open it up and read it, probably not trusting her words in that moment, and Skout did so.

 

_Dear Skout,_

_I’m not good with words, or, well, not as good with words as you are, so I’ll try to make this brief. I know it was you who wrote the letter, at first I thought it was a prank by somebody else, but I probably should’ve figured it was you sooner, but I didn’t. You should know that I’m happy it’s you. You’re…You. You’re smart and cunning and cheerful and cute and pretty and tough in your own way and your freckles are actually the_

(It seems that Toth had scratched that section out, but, Skout could fill in the blanks on her own.)

_This was meant to be brief. It probably wasn’t, but that’s not the point. I know you love me, and I know I love you. Do with this what you will._

_\- Toth._

 

Toth was more nervous than she had ever been in her life. Skout was reading the letter, pretty slowly, compared to how she can usually read a page a minute of her encyclopedias but now’s the time she decides to read over every single word of her writing, which is only slightly more legible than Skout’s. Skout’s hand is covering her mouth. She looks like she’s about to cry. She has ruined the one good relationship she’s had her entire life because somebody happened to draw hearts over their “i’s” instead of dots like a normal fucking-

And in that moment, Skout surges forward and presses their lips together, and Toth can hardly believe it.

Her lips are soft and gentle, and Toth makes a gentle noise against her mouth when they first make contact, but when Skout tries to pull back, probably to apologize, Toth grabs her by the collar of her shirt, tugging her forward roughly. 

Skout squeaks, but Toth is kissing her! She’s kissing her, and is carding a slightly shaky hand through her hair, her touch is tentative, as if she’s worried Skout will want to pull away, as if she didn’t start it in the first place. Skout placed her tiny hand on top of Toth’s bare shoulder, and with this assurance that Skout’s open to it, to this, Toth sucked on her bottom lip, grazing her teeth over her bottom lip, before biting down gently, causing Skout to let out this airy little gasp, which Toth swallowed by licking into her mouth.

To an outside viewer, it looked like Toth was trying to devour the smaller girl whole, and Skout would’ve been content with that, with Toth sucking hickeys onto her throat and collarbone, kissing the smattering of freckles on her face, shoulders, arms, neck…But, we all have to breathe sometime.

Skout was gasping for air, and although Toth was a bit farther away now, she could still see the flush that painted her dark skin, and the tiny freckles that decorated her nose and cheeks. Toth seemed to be dying to breathe, too, letting a shaky breath escape her lungs.

“We’re losing the Nomad’s trail, we can pick this up later.” She said simply, rubbing a hand across her shoulder from where Skout’s warm hand once was. “And there _will_ be a later.”

Skout hummed, pressing a kiss over Toth’s scar, and nipping her jaw, just to hear a startled gasp leave her and to feel her jolt slightly at the contact.

“Sounds good, Toth.” She sounds tired, and leans against her arm, humming quietly to herself, and Toth decides now is a good time to get going, before _later_ became _now._

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted an excuse to write some Pining Toth and Skout adventures, and since "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" came out a while back, along with Great Comet on the brain...Why not? I hope you like it! It was pretty fun to write, too.
> 
> Tumblr:  
> https://juliastartoons.tumblr.com


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